I'm the mayor of Jellytown
I thought of this while I was with my girlfriend, so she gets muse points for this.
Many of my friends in college were nice dudes who didn't get a lot of ladies. In some ways, this was the separating mark between my all-dudes a cappella group and the other one on campus. We made better music and were nicer and very polite. The other dudes were kind of fratty jackasses who were the kind of people that made ladies want to get drunk and make out with them.
As such, my fellow compatriots would often describe how they felt themselves to be stuck in the "Friend Zone." Because, really, we weren't that much better than the fratty jackasses. We still wanted to spend most of our time making out with girls that we hung around and found attractive. It was just that our own courteousness and respect for others got in the way a lot of the time. As such, we usually ended up just being the trusted friends of these girls with whom we really wanted to make out. Thus, we resided in the "Friend Zone". In the very common worst-case-scenario, we would end up being the person to whom the female complained when she grew frustrated with her own tendency to hook up with only fratty assholes. There was a lot of sexual frustration in the Friend Zone.
Anyway, I had one particular friend (and now I refer to that term in its normal usage, and not as someone who was stuck in my Friend Zone) who spent a particularly large amount of his time in the Friend Zone. As such, he took to calling himself the Mayor of the Friend Zone, as a way of distinguishing just how much time he lived in this curious state of sexual frustration. And this particular distinction was not limited to the Friend Zone. If you drank a ton of Pepsi, you'd be the mayor of Pepsitown. If you were really into Pokemon, you'd be the mayor of Pokemonville. In that particular case, you would also hopefully be a child.
I realized recently that I accepted this whole idea of Mayorship, yet in no way does it reflect how mayors of particular cities and towns are chosen. The mayor is not the person who most embodies the characteristic of a particular town. He's just some dude (or dudette!) elected to make sure things are going alright for everybody in that town.
For consistency's sake, one of the two following repercussions should take place:
1. Towns should have to elect their mayors based on the defining attribute of that town. So, the mayor of Milwaukee is the dude (or dudette!) who makes the most beer. And the mayor of Chicago would be the dude (or dudette?) with the biggest moustache. Obviously, to make this even better, some towns should change their name to things like BigEarsville or Funtoplayboccewith City.
2. People who claim to be the mayor of things like the Friend Zone should have to make sure that things are running smoothly in the Friend Zone. Like, they should check with other lame dudes and make sure that they're still sexually frustrated and that Liz is still hooking up with guys who treat her like crap.
Anyway, I'm the mayor of Jellytown, because I created it.
(Although I do LOVE jelly!)
Many of my friends in college were nice dudes who didn't get a lot of ladies. In some ways, this was the separating mark between my all-dudes a cappella group and the other one on campus. We made better music and were nicer and very polite. The other dudes were kind of fratty jackasses who were the kind of people that made ladies want to get drunk and make out with them.
As such, my fellow compatriots would often describe how they felt themselves to be stuck in the "Friend Zone." Because, really, we weren't that much better than the fratty jackasses. We still wanted to spend most of our time making out with girls that we hung around and found attractive. It was just that our own courteousness and respect for others got in the way a lot of the time. As such, we usually ended up just being the trusted friends of these girls with whom we really wanted to make out. Thus, we resided in the "Friend Zone". In the very common worst-case-scenario, we would end up being the person to whom the female complained when she grew frustrated with her own tendency to hook up with only fratty assholes. There was a lot of sexual frustration in the Friend Zone.
Anyway, I had one particular friend (and now I refer to that term in its normal usage, and not as someone who was stuck in my Friend Zone) who spent a particularly large amount of his time in the Friend Zone. As such, he took to calling himself the Mayor of the Friend Zone, as a way of distinguishing just how much time he lived in this curious state of sexual frustration. And this particular distinction was not limited to the Friend Zone. If you drank a ton of Pepsi, you'd be the mayor of Pepsitown. If you were really into Pokemon, you'd be the mayor of Pokemonville. In that particular case, you would also hopefully be a child.
I realized recently that I accepted this whole idea of Mayorship, yet in no way does it reflect how mayors of particular cities and towns are chosen. The mayor is not the person who most embodies the characteristic of a particular town. He's just some dude (or dudette!) elected to make sure things are going alright for everybody in that town.
For consistency's sake, one of the two following repercussions should take place:
1. Towns should have to elect their mayors based on the defining attribute of that town. So, the mayor of Milwaukee is the dude (or dudette!) who makes the most beer. And the mayor of Chicago would be the dude (or dudette?) with the biggest moustache. Obviously, to make this even better, some towns should change their name to things like BigEarsville or Funtoplayboccewith City.
2. People who claim to be the mayor of things like the Friend Zone should have to make sure that things are running smoothly in the Friend Zone. Like, they should check with other lame dudes and make sure that they're still sexually frustrated and that Liz is still hooking up with guys who treat her like crap.
Anyway, I'm the mayor of Jellytown, because I created it.
(Although I do LOVE jelly!)
posted by Bret at 3:01 PM
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