Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Maybe it's just extra-tangy butter...

I was halfway through the process of making a grilled cheese sandwich when I realized that I was using moldy bread.

This comes about a week after I was sitting in my living room, eating slices of buttered bread and wondering why they tasted tangy - MOLDY BREAD! It was horrible, because I had definitely already eaten a whole slice of it when I came to this realization, and there was another whole mouthful of moldy tanginess that had to be spat out comically at the conclusion of my very slow realization.

So, admittedly, I should have been more alert on the moldy bread lookout. (Don't worry. It wasn't the same loaf of bread. I'm not a complete moron.) But the problem is that this mold is some kind of freaky stealth mold. Maybe it's just my sheltered upbringing, but I'm used to my mold being blue-green, and growing up and out of the bread, and generally making itself known to the world. But this mold is bread-colored and it operates within the very fabric of the bread itself. It's camo-mold. And it succeeded in its mission to get me to eat what I thought was inexplicably tangy bread and/or butter. And then it presumably died an ignoble death in the acidic depths of my tummy.

What troubles me is that camo/ninja/stealth-mold doesn't really make sense to me on an evolutionary level:
Nobody wants to eat mold, so it seems like it would be to the mold's advantage to come out and be very open about itself. "We're here. We're mold. Get used to it. And please when you dispose of us, place us somewhere moist."

So, I'm not sure what the mold is up to. But if you eat some bread that is tangy, by all means, take the time to ponder and investigate what it is that is making the bread taste tangy. But do NOT continue to eat the tangy, funky bread while you work through that process. I learned that extremely obvious lesson the hard way.

2 Comments:

Blogger Nate said...

ummm... exactly. i think you are passing up a no brainer business opportunity to invent Tang Bread. maybe even partner with Tang. who knows, this is probably how we got tang in the first place. we used to make tang sandwiches as a kid. what i'm saying is, i would probably buy this.

9:41 AM  
Blogger Bret said...

No no no people! It was a bad tangy (which makes it stupider that I continued to eat it). And I was eating MOLD! Nobody wants to do that.

Nate, you got beat to the punch with Burger Pizza. Don't let it happen again with Tang Bread.

9:02 PM  

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